Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
