The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
