this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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