now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
