I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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