I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
