I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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