so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
