Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
