we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
