I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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