you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
