70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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