I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
