Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
People with herpes should wear stickers.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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