don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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