i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
