I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
