I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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