it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
