she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
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She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
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I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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