dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
