How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
