you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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