My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
