I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
