watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives