I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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