Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.