Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad