Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.