Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
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You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
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her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Smaller, yet meaner.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.