Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit