Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?