about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.