He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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