its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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