I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
