I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
