singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
