Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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