I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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