I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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