It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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