You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Sacagawea was the original milf.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
