I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
