Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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