# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
