if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
BRING THE BAGELS
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
