so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
This baby is an asshole
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
