Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
