Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
