hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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