Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
not ubering you a puppy
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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