what day is it and did you see me today?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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