Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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