im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
