I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
