i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
How does it feel to date your dad?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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