Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
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