I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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