Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
