my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
too bad you live with your parents still
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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