the day after is always just damage control
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
