what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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