i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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