i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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