Screwed.edu
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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