i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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