Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
