U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
