I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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