So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
