I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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