Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
