All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
