It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
