honey bunches of taint.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
