you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
