So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
