remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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