We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
