i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
