He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
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I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize